©2019 by Ballistic (In)Sides. 

Pt 2 - Fast Food Wrappers & Broken Dreams

A Journey of KFC, Mullets & Rock Hard Quadriceps

Its important to remember when you’re blogging to a community of 2, you don’t forget the fans. Remember what they came here for. Remember the cause.  Because once the slog kicks in, its those 2 fans who are going to guide your decrepit quads to the squat rack. Its those two fans who will pilot your crusted lips to the head of a potato and gravy. It those two fans who will escort your trembling hand to a bottle of Dove Men + Care Dandruff Defence Shampoo and Conditioner

So to my two fans. Thanks you.

Update 1: Eating the Entire KFC

“At a cardiac arrest – the first procedure is to take your own pulse” Samuel Shem

A commitment to eating the entire KFC menu is no small feat. At the beginning of any big feat, its no use acting like some timid greyhound at Sandown. No. Instead it best to come out of the gates, tilt your  snout towards your biggest hurdle and tackle one of the colonel’s biggest monstrosities

“The Triple Stacker “  Pictured Below

 

Three zinger patties, layers of cheese, supercharged sauce and chilli relish. Aside, from waking up in KFCs parking lot with a throbbing headache, grease stained trackies, and an irregular heart beat – it was glorious. If you’re looking to ruin your day, I cannot recommend this burger more.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​To be fair, it looks nothing like its advertised. What parallel universe are you living in when it does? Realise,they have burger artists now. I can tell what you’re thinking though. “Munching through three big patties of fried chicken is a bit of overkill? Cmon, who do you think we are” ? But I say this to you - when your teeth glide through the final patty and your heart gives its last strained beat, I doubt I’ll hear any complaints. As for me?  I’m just glad I can tick off one big item from the menu and focus my attention toward some combos next week.

 

Update 2: Growing an Offensive mullet

"Its all about business in front, & party in the back"  - Swan Hotel Patron

The journey to any respectable mullet is fraught with self-doubt. Lash back from corporate puppets, aggressive questioning from loved ones, and grappling with a slew of dandruff 24/7. Its not easy. In addition to this, my mullet right now is less of a mullet, and more of an unbrushed tuft of lanolin.  

That’s fine. Fed square wasn’t built in a day. Relax young man, let the follicles flourish in due course. Pictured below

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Update 3: Chiselling out Rock hard Quads

“Its not very fun” – T Peacock

The quad stays hidden beneath shorts, despite being the largest of the muscle groups. They’re like some sort of incognito sumo. Its tough to see the appeal of this goal. Quite honestly, I’ve never had less energy, I’m zapped of all vitality and my lower back is long term damaged. Nice.

But fuck it. I’m still hitting the rack with gods strength. Mind my language – but fudge you again. Here’s a sneak peak of a blank canvas.